Giants: Citizen Kabuto

If anyone here is wondering what the key to a woman’s heart is, then you need to play this game. After slogging through it, killing the final boss and watching the end movie, you’ll find your answer: “You’re gonna love Planet Majorca. Sun, beer and all the fish and chips you can eat”, to which the beautiful woman replies “Oh Basil, you truely know the way to a woman’s heart” leading to Basil’s face being eaten off. You heard it here first ladies and gentleman, all I need to do now is to write a book, put adverts on those questionable sites and charge $39.99 for it.

The story behind Giants revolves around a group of aliens called Meccs, who somehow end up on a planet. To be hoenst, it really isn’t explained how they end up on this planet, and I don’t think this planet is even named. But it isn’t important. You’re there, and stuff will happen. Along the way you discover the natives of this planet: the little Smarties, the Sea Reapers and the titular Kabuto. As you move along the storyline, you’ll move on from the Mecc’s point of view to the world of Delphi, the daughter of the evil Queen of the Reapers. Then you get to turn into a clone of Kabuto and kill the real one. Each section is really a different game in itself, with the Mecc’s being your squad shooter, Dephi being the chance to play as a witch and Kabuto being the chance to smash things.

Playing as the Meccs is essentially a tutorial for the rest of the game in my opinion. Seeing as they are the first played, they end up being the one’s lumbered with the mission objectives revolving around moving from A to B so you can learn how to use your jetpack. That’s not to say the Mecc’s don’t have their fun bits. Since these are the soldiers of the game they get the chance to play with more weapons that Delphi does, and they are fun to play with. Some of the later missions are really enjoyable too, like the base building that you get to do, and there are a couple of good ones during the first few levels, ut I feel like the Meccs could be so much better if they had a few better missions. Too many of them just involve running from the start point and killing a few enemies.

Delphi’s part of the game is much better. The tutorial you have with her only lasts 4 levels and it makes her section better over all. She also gets to do a jetski race, which is a nice break between the killing of fellow Sea Reapers. Then again, it might just be better seeing as she’s a blue lady with frankly not enough clothes on. Her levels are also much easier than the Meccs, so that might be another reason why she’s much more enjoyable to play as. I’m interested to note that she is much better at killing people than the Meccs are, even though they get loads of awesome guns. She gets spells to make up for the fact she has bows, but these spells are wickedly powerful. Why it is that one person gets to be much more powerful than a group of 5 soldiers?

But the damn annoying thing is the combat feels flat. I don’t know whether it’s just that when Giants was first released the combat was fun and exciting but now current games are just better at it now, but the guns, not even the big Millenium Mortar that’s supposed to kill the Sea Reapers in one go, doesn’t feel like a big gun that can kill a bunch of Reapers in one go. If I fired it, then I didn’t think “WOOHOO I’M GONNA BE KILLING PEOPLE TONIGHT!” I just thought “Ooh look, I fired a gun”. Dephi’s combat isn’t much better either, even with the added ability of spells. The spells really are too powerful, and you don’t usually need to think about it. Just fire off a hail spell and they’ll all be dead without blinking. It just feels dead because of it. There’s also that wonderful issue of damage that you take. I’ve already talked about the fact the damage is done really badly, so instead of  repasting all that, I’ll just link it instead, but really, the combat is shoddy.

I didn’t really enjoy Kabuto’s section either. Seeing as you get to be a big monster, you’d think it’d be fun, but you just get bored. The combat still isn’t fun. It just involves you walking over the enemies. I should be endlessly entertaining, but seeing as you get so much health when you pick up someone and eat them, it’s pointless using the special attacks that you get when you grow fully. The only time I used them was when I had a structure to destory, and then they didn’t seem as powerful as they should be. Kabuto is also stupidly easy to play as. You are a big monster, so those powerful guns the Reapers were killing you with barely register. Its such a strange change from being terrifyed of those missle launchers to being complacent.

However, I still enjoyed Giants, even though I’ve just bashed it horribly. Yes, it has those gaming mistakes, but the cutscenes are golden. They were hilarious the first time I played 3 years ago, and still are now. The voice acting is perfect, and the humour is just great. The little jokes you hear, like ‘Hi, my name is Ahmed, but you can call me Timmy!’ and the exchanges between the characters make this game worth playing. The mistakes that I point out are annoying yes, but the scripting and the voice acting do well enough to cover them. Considering how rare it is for voice acting to be good, and scripting to be funny, that alone should give you a good enough reason to play.

So, I would recommend this to you. It has its faults, but now it’s only $5.99, and its DRM free, I can’t think of a reason for you not to buy it. It’s available from Good Old Games here.

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  1. To those who are wondering why there isn’t a score at the end, I point you to https://drugcrazed.wordpress.com/reviews/

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