How To Play: Yo ho ho
If you read last weeks How To (And if not, why not?), you might have noticed a quick throwaway comment about DRM. To be fair, I’ve spent the past week deciding which part of the blog this goes into. After a long bout of deliberation, I’m putting it down as a How To, not an observation. Why? Because if I put it down as an observation, you might get a long post about why DRM should be shot in the kneecaps, thrown to the lions with a neon sign on it telling the lions to take their time and have fun with it. Apologies for how violent that sounds (And the crudeness of the alternate) but DRM is one of those buttons with me. You know, the one that causes you to froth at the mouth and start clawing on the windows at Shopping Centres?
Where was I? Ah yes, why this is a How To. So, a post about how to play, and the subject is DRM. Can anyone guess what I’m going to suggest? Thats right! Practice ventriloquism while playing Spore with your eyes closed! Which is, as everyone knows, is a euphamism for pirating games. Hold on! I’m not done! Don’t start writing your angry comments yet! Why the hell am I suggesting an illegal activity on a public forum? Simple. I’m going to move out of that black angry area of illegality, and move into this nice area of grey moral confusion. Just watch me. As far as I know, nobody has (Yet) been indicted for downloading a game they already own. Yes, I did just suggest pirating a game you already own.
I can think of several reasons why that statement is more valid now than it would’ve been 3 years ago. Hell, make it 4. Who here has Spore/Mass Effect/Anything else with SecuROM style rubbish? Lets be clear about this, not all DRM is bad. Obviously, no DRM is always good, but I have no real problems with games that just ask for your CD Key and then just let you get on with your game. The internet activation ones, on the other hand. This DRM is wrong, and a complete bastard, and these games epitimise the reasons why. Being told ‘No, you are obviously a pirate. Go and uninstall that CD emulator software you have’ would’ve been only slightly better than just refusing to install/run for that reason. But, like good children, we go and do it. Oh whats that Mass Effect? Oh, you now don’t want to run, even though like a good little dolphin I’ve just jumped through that hoop you didn’t even clearly place in front of me? Oh look, you aren’t being allowed access through my firewall. This firewall didn’t even pop-up to tell me that this was the case, and neither did you. You think I should just allow you through? The fact that you’ve been flagged as a security risk is just a little joke on your side isn’t it, eh? WELL I DON’T FIND IT FUNNY! JUST LET ME PLAY MY FUCKING GAME!
Hmm, my monitor is covered in spittle, and I’ve gone off topic. Sorry about that. To continue. I suggest this for everybody. We all know that boycotts won’t work, unless a significant number of people say ‘Yes! I stand by this cause, for the good of the majority’, and its unreasonable to suggest not playing some of the great games available in this day and age. No, this suggestion is one I have great personal experience with, ever since that Mass Effect incident. You should still buy the games. I don’t think enough people care about the problems DRM to stop buying the games anyway, and we keep hearing how the PC market appears to be dying as it is, so we need to keep it going. But crack each game you buy. Seriously, go on to one of the many torrent sites (Do I really need to tell you the names?) , find the game you’re after and download the crack. DRM problem goes bye bye, and you get to play your game.
One of the many other advantages about using this cracked system is that you don’t need your disk anymore (Yes I know some games are no CD free, but shush), which for an idiot like me is very helpful. I also don’t think that you can call this business illegal. The cracks themselves are usually very small, thus you don’t have to seed them (Though you should, as a moral P2P user) as it’ll take people about 10 seconds to get the crack anyway, without your help. I’d also suggest using direct downloads, but since the download speed is inversely proportional to the number of people using it (Whereas in P2P the speed is directly proportional), I dislike them. You could also create yourself a quick LAN and install your game 2-3 times if you want. Thats what people did in the good old days. Just pop in your CD Key and give it an install.
The problem is that you could still in theory be taken to court for this. It entirely depends on how idiotic the games companies become. They almost certainly don’t like the idea of someone breaking through their system, and they might push to prosecute. To be honest, I say give them the finger. They got their money, they’ve destroyed the second hand market as it is, so maybe they should just go back to harassing the actual pirates. The ones who aren’t buying the game. The ones who are causing a decline in PC developers. The ones who made the DRM problem exist in the first place. Its a sad day when the pirates are actually winning this war.
Either that or made to watch ‘Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Garcia’ constantly, with it starting every 3 minutes, making it get overlapped and causing a mindfuck. (Return)